The New Year Isn’t a New Beginning — It’s Some of Your Story

Why a new year and new year goals doesn’t erase our pain, and how to honour your grief

What if you don’t want to start fresh this year? What if you’re not ready to “step forward,” “move on,” or “step into a so-called new version of you”? What if the past year still has a grip on you—and you’re not done living in it yet?

This time of year spurs on ideas about reinvention—new goals, new intentions, new you. Almost as if the past twelve months didn’t exist. It implies for us to forget and move on, to focus ahead on bigger and brighter days. As if everything we are feeling doesn’t matter. 

This cultural push implies something subtle: rather than growing with our past, we are asked to forget it. And that looking ahead is more important than looking inward.

But when you’ve experienced loss, you know that your pain doesn’t expire at midnight on December 31. We can’t simply set a goal to forget and focus on bigger and brighter days ahead. 

So how can you step into a new year and bring your whole self with you—the love, the ache, the story. 

Why the New Year Minimizes Grief

According to EarthSky, “the New Year is seen as a new beginning because of the ancient Roman celebration for Janus, the god of beginnings and transitions, which is when the month of January is named after. January's namesake, Janus, had two faces, one looking to the past and one to the future, symbolizing a time to reflect on what has been and look forward to what is to come.”

When we think of this concept and how it relates to grief, we can understand how January is intended to be a month of both reflection and hope. Yet culturally, western culture places an emphasis on the latter, looking forward to what's to come.

I believe this is because we are a society of validation, the more we “do” and the more goals we can “check off” - the more successful our year has been. But if our goals have no relation to our past, if they don’t consider our lessons learnt through loss, the feelings felt through triumph and defeat— how can our goals hold any significance? How can each checkmark manifest a continued journey of self-renewal and proclamation?

I would argue, they can not. So we must start at the beginning, by looking inward in order to move outward.

How to Loss Changes a Person 

Loss is not something to “leave behind” as a new year approaches. Your past year is not something to abandon, it is something to hold.

Loss changes a person. It challenges old ways of being and thinking, and demands a new version of you. Similar to when a mother has a child, you can not be who you were before you were a mother, a child demands a new version of you. And we learn how to “put on” this new persona, we adapt and evolve.

Loss is similar. Whether it is the passing of a loved one, the aging of a parent, a new phase of life like retirement, something happens that cannot be “undone.” There is an experience that demands a new version of us. And when we don’t “put on” this new persona there is an inner battle like a tug-of-war straining who we were and who we are now. 

So instead, don’t resist. Hold loss, pain, grief and invite change. Your story does not reset because the calendar does. January is page one of a longer volume. And all the pages before it still matter.

How to Hold Your Loss and Grieve

You can set all the goals you want—but if you don’t sit with what’s unresolved, those goals become plaster over cracked foundations. You need space to honour the truths you’re carrying.

And the reality is, that grief is not linear. Grief is cyclical and unpredictable. Meaning grief doesn’t just shut off because it is a new year. Our feelings strike at any given moment. And having this understanding allows us to move with loss, rather than trying to erase it.

As you take time to hold your loss and hold what hurts, you make room for what’s possible. 

What to Do Next in Your New Year?

Before you fill your calendar, map your next steps, or make big decisions—pause.

Let yourself look at the year behind you without rushing through it.

This isn’t about staying stuck in the past—it’s about honouring it. We need to tend inwardly, so we can grow outwardly.

You’ve taken the time to read this piece about why a new year and new year goals doesn’t erase our pain, and how to honour your grief. This is a first step, and I celebrate you.